Is Santa a Communist?

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Let me tell you the truth about Santa Claus. If his Marx-esque appearance and red clothing weren’t an immediate giveaway, I must point blank tell you: Santa is a communist.

I am sorry if I ruin your festive mood, I am sorry if you think it’s blasphemy, but it’s time to face the facts. Despite of what you want to believe, the world is governed by market forces and a seemingly benevolent, egalitarian creature won’t grant your wishes just because you ask nicely. So before you go wasting ink and paper writing your letter, hear me out.

Santa Is an Authoritarian

First of all, sorry to shatter your beliefs, but Santa is not benevolent. He is an authoritarian who without any rule of law arbitrarily decides who is naughty or nice. If he deems you nice, he will reward you. But if he deems you naughty, well, who knows what a powerful communist like him would do to you.

Sure, you could argue that the nicer you are, the bigger the reward, but that’s also true for a communist dictator. The closer you are to his own subjective ideal, the better you serve his own interests, the more you will get. There is no telling, however, when his fancy changes.

Santa won’t reward you on some objective merit. He favors his cronies, but he thinks everyone should get something. Each according to one’s needs.

In the spirit of a good egalitarian tradition, he disincentivizes actual accomplishments. If you keep your head low you will get something. It is unnecessary to do better. Only if you are a crony, is it worth to aim higher.

If you are not deemed as an enemy of Santa, you will receive something, don’t worry.

Moreover, where do you think all those toys come from? Santa is running a sweatshop exploiting the elves, who won’t get any wagers. They are essentially slaves, who have to work, because they fear Santa. It only makes sense. Santa doesn’t ask for money for what he is doing, so he himself has no income. This means he cannot pay any employees.

And what exactly is Santa doing? He knows where you live,he know what you have been doing, he spies on you, disrespecting your privacy. Santa goes into your house, disregarding private property, and forces his services on you.

In turn, as a sort of tax, he takes your milk and cookies. Will he at least give some of that to the elves? I hardly think so. He wouldn’t want to incentivize slaves, now would he?

Santa: The Embodiment of the Communist Utopia

One word. All it takes is one word to show you why Santa is a communist: scarcity. The bane of all communist utopias, scarcity gives goods their value. 

Santa, however, has an infinite amount of time and resources. How else could he deliver all the toys in one night, and be able to manufacture them every single year? The toys he gives are therefore worthless. Not only are they not the rewards for actual actions, as I pointed out before, but because of the lack of scarcity they don’t have value.

Ever wondered why Santa is not giving out money, only toys? It’s because if he lifted scarcity of money, it would become worthless too. This is another reason he won’t pay his elves. It would cause an inflation, which would eventually destroy the currency.

This is, therefore, the limit of Santa’s power and the barrier in front of all communist utopias.

We don’t have an infinite amount of everything. It is not a problem though. Scarcity creates value and incentives. It creates respect for things. It creates economics, rule of law, and social order. And it creates a demand for free markets, to transfer the scarce goods. This is what Santa would never fully understand.

The only thing that gives Santa the ability to eliminate scarcity, to exploit his slave elves, to force his services upon you, and break into your home, taking your milk and cookies, the only thing that gives him the power to arbitrarily judge you is your misguided belief in the communist utopia that is Santa.

So stop believing in Santa. Stop believing in a higher, seemingly benevolent force that you think will provide without you lifting a finger. It is time to wake up.

The world is a wonderful place, and Christmas is a truly touching time of the year regardless of your religious persuasions. But not because of Santa. It is because of you. It is you who govern your own fate. It is you who help people on your own merit.

Whether you work or you provide employment, whether you donate or help out, it is you who are constantly making the world a better place. You don’t need a communist Santa, you don’t need a communist utopia. This is reality.

Stop believing in communism and start working for the benefit of free market.

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Free Market Foundation
  • Dolan Holba

    Sir this is an Arby’s